Three-Pillars-Method
The Three-Pillars Approach, developed by Dr. Daniel P. Brown and David S. Elliott, PhD, is a method created at Harvard Medical School. First introduced in the book “Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair”, it is designed to address attachment and relationship patterns. Beyond that, I use it to enhance your self-esteem, relationship experiences, and resilience.
Three Pillars for Holistic Development
The model is built on three pillars that work together in an integrative framework:
1. Collaboration
2. Metacognition
3. The Ideal Parent Method
The core of this approach is the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. Inspired by Tibetan Buddhist meditation techniques and hypnotherapy, it involves guided visualizations where you imagine ideal parental figures embodying the qualities of secure attachment. Repeated experiences of these positive attachment patterns create new neural connections, which can lead to the development of a secure attachment style over time.
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Applications
1. Enhancing Self-Esteem
Through self-esteem-focused visualizations, you learn to lovingly accept shameful parts of yourself and internalize the belief: “I am okay.”
2. Reflecting on and Transforming Relationship Patterns
Repeated experiences of positive attachment qualities enable you to approach relationships with greater compassion and confidence.
3. Increasing Well-Being and Resilience
The soothing qualities of attachment visualizations support your emotional regulation and strengthen your resilience in coping with challenging situations.
Pillar 1: Strengthening collaborative skills
As social beings, we rely on relationships: in the presence of others, we draw strength, experience connection, and find support, especially during challenging times. However, for individuals with insecure attachment patterns, relationships can take on a very different meaning. Instead of offering stability and comfort, they often become sources of fear, anger, stress, or frustration. Such burdensome relationship experiences often lead to emotional withdrawal or recurring patterns and conflicts.
Together, we explore your relationship patterns.
In our sessions, we will examine which dynamics in your relationships are problematic. At the same time, we will focus on developing the skills that, according to attachment theory, are essential for successful relationships: trust, openness, empathy, and the ability for constructive communication.
The goal is to strengthen your collaborative skills so that you can experience more security, satisfaction, and connection in your relationships.
Pillar 2: Strengthening metacognition & Mentalization ability
The term metacognition refers to the ability to step back and observe your own experiences from a higher perspective. This distance allows you to better understand your thoughts and emotions and to reflect on how they are interconnected.
Mentalization – A Key to Understanding and Shaping Relationships
The ability to mentalize helps you develop an inner understanding of your own psychological experiences or those of another person. This skill enables you to consciously shape your inner world and engage in relationships in a more reflective and fulfilling way.
How Does Mentalization Develop?
The foundation for mentalization skills is laid during the first months of life. In a secure attachment relationship, parents or caregivers continuously mirror the child’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Through this process, the child gradually learns to reflect on their own thoughts, perceive, understand, and regulate their emotions.
Challenges in Insecure Attachment Patterns
Individuals with insecure attachment patterns often have weakened metacognitive abilities, as these were not sufficiently developed during early childhood. In our sessions, we use techniques from mentalization-based therapy and mindfulness practices to specifically strengthen your metacognitive skills.
Goal
By enhancing your metacognition and mentalization abilities, you gain greater control over your inner world and improve your capacity to shape relationships consciously and empathetically
Pillar 3: Co-creation of imagined secure attachment experiences
In this guided imagery, inspired by Tibetan-Buddhist meditation techniques and clinical hypnotherapy, you imagine your ideal parental figures. These parental figures are perfectly tailored to your individual needs. They embody the essential qualities necessary to develop a secure attachment pattern: they are consistently present, protect you, help you regulate difficult emotions, and support you in becoming your best, most authentic self.
An Interactive Process for Personalized Attachment Experiences
During the imagery process, we work interactively together. The goal is for you to experience a secure attachment with these ideal parental figures, tailored specifically to you and your needs. This process allows you to symbolically “catch up” on what may have been missing in your childhood.
Neurobiological Changes for a New Attachment Pattern
Through repeated experiences of these positive attachment interactions, new neural pathways are formed in the brain. Step by step, a new, secure attachment pattern emerges, strengthening both your relationships and your self-image in a lasting way.
Personal motivation
Self-Experience as the Foundation of My Work
Self-experience has always been a central aspect of my journey—both before and during my psychotherapeutic training and professional practice. Various approaches have accompanied me along this path, providing valuable insights.
Often, the focus was on better understanding certain patterns and connections. However, despite this understanding, sustainable change sometimes remained elusive. My own experiences with the Three-Pillars Method, however, were both surprising and transformative. Through this approach, I was able to heal attachment patterns within myself that I had previously understood intellectually but that continued to burden me daily.
My Personal and Professional Growth
These experiences inspired me to deeply engage with this methodology. Ultimately, I chose to train as a therapist in the Three-Pillars Method. While I firmly believe that no single method holds all the answers, the diversity of therapeutic approaches remains an essential principle in my work.
At the same time, my own transformation has convinced me of the profound effectiveness of the Three-Pillars Method. Many clients seek my support specifically because they have heard about this method and want to benefit from both its approach and my personal experience with it.